My favorite song of the last 10 years is "Umbrellas" by Sleeping at Last. I always loved the part where it says:
We'll bring a child into this world And we'll say the one thing Everyone should hear: You were meant for amazing things
So, I decided that is something that Cade would hear. And not only would he hear it but be reminded of it on a regular basis. My dad is an artist, so I asked him to make a painting with the words on it. So no matter what he would remember that he was "meant for amazing things".
Cade is here! Born 11/22/11, 21 inches long, 8 lbs 13.8 oz. I included our family picture only because it is the only one I have of all three of us, but I hadn't slept since Sunday and I was to tired to care for pictures. I may write one day about the week following the birth, but like a lot of birth stories, it might not need to be told - or I would rather forget.
Loving this new show on NBC called Up All Night. I really only like the parts where they are interacting with one another with the baby or about their relationship since the baby. The other stuff from their work I could do without. But this clip is my favorite so far, and I think when we decide to put the base for the new car seat in the car our encounter will be much like this.
Made it through another week. 31 down, 9(ish) to go. I am to the point that I really hope he comes early because I'm not sure I will make it. I know, "this too shall pass". I might have hit that point where I have energy. I felt it a bit today when I was working at church, so I am wondering if this is that part, or if I missed it due to my low iron levels earlier in the pregnancy. I have noticed that I am more and more clumsy - cracked pinky toe two weeks ago, a smashed thumb Friday night, and at least a glass of water spilled yesterday and today. And with my growing stomach I am constantly hitting things with it that I would not normally hit (like closing the refrigerator on it or hitting counter tops before I get there).
In the last couple of months I have been hearing this song and I really liked it. Over time I have come to like it more and more. We sang it in church a couple of weeks ago and it just hit me that in our lives right now the "Beautiful Thing" is Cade. After all that we came out of before we meet and all that we have gone through together He is making "Beautiful Things" out of it.
“Beautiful Things” by Gungor
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
Thought I would keep up with this blog more, but no so. There aren't many noteworthy things to come and write about - I'm sure that will change as we get closer to the due date and become parents that can actually see our child.
A few months ago we had our 20 week ultrasound and found out we are really having a boy (something I have suspected since I found out I was pregnant). We chose the name Cade Matthew. Matthew is Adam's middle name and Cade . . . well Cade is a boy at our church - no joke. The first time I saw Cade in the 4 year old classroom at church I thought of him as a mini-Adam, complete with Wranglers, cowboy boots, cowboy hat, pearl snap shirt and belt buckle. Cade is now 5 and has already been competing in rodeos in Mutton Busting (look it up, I will not describe it). Seeing Cade made me realize that someday we would probably have a "Cade" of our own and I guess the name just stuck in my head. The first picture is of Cade's face - or as I like to call him, Skeletor. They had a perfect image of his face and then at the last second before taking the picture she moved in a bit showing the inside of his face rather than the outside.
So far things are going well in the pregnancy category. I didn't have much morning sickness, I haven't had many complications, and if it wasn't for the fact it takes me 5 minutes to turn over in bed all would be fine. We are just ready for him to be here so we can get started on this parenting business.
The bedroom pretty much looks the same right now, I have no idea what to do decoration wise so it just sits with blank walls. We have commissioned some artwork and I suspect after we get that it will spur me to move forward.
Still trying to get the ultrasound pictures scanned in - time issues, computer issues, whatever - but we did manage to get some pictures of the new room. Oh yeah, it's a boy!
My life feels like I have been in a stage of transition and waiting for about 2 years. This time two years ago I was anticipating a move back to Stillwater and school, with the idea that when I was done I would probably move back to St. Louis. This time last year I was about 3 weeks into a new marriage, and two weeks had past since my grandfather died. Six months ago my grandmother died, 3 months ago I found out I was pregnant, and just this week I realized I will be done with school in a month or so (hopefully). In all this I keep wondering what is next for me (now for us). I use to worry about the future a lot. I would spend weeks worrying - but over the last couple of years that has stopped. I still worry, but the thoughts are fleeting. Now with our little lemon I find myself worrying again - worrying about if we will be able to make it on Adam's salary and what little I bring into the house. Like most mothers I don't want to work full time, I want to be home. We might have found a few ways to make this happen where I can work some and stay home, but I still worry about money (the eternal worry in my life). It wasn't until the sermon yesterday that I finally put that to rest (well, it comes back but I just remember one phrase). He was talking about Remembering and why we remember, and one of those reasons to remember is to remember how God helped us in the past and how we can hold onto the hope that he will help us in our future. His verse to remember was Numbers 11:23, when Moses told God that the people wanted meat, and God said he would provide. Moses was saying how impossible it would be to supply all of those people with meat and God said "Is the Lord's hand shortened? Now you shall see whether my word will come true for you or not." (ESV). In the NIV He says "Is the Lord's arm too short?" So that is what I am trying to remember. The Lord's arm is not too short for Moses, it has not been too short for me in the past, and it will not be too short for me in the future.
I had my first doctor's appointment on Friday. It wasn't anything big. I really just met her and got to ask a few questions. We learned more about each other and scheduled an ultrasound and some lab work. I had to pee in a cup before my appointment then they asked me to do it again for my lab work less than an hour later! I laughed at them but I did it through the beauty of the hormones! Also found out my allergies could be worse than normal due to my pregnancy, as evidence by the fact I spent most of last week not breathing through my nose.
Tomorrow is the first ultrasound and hopefully time to hear the heartbeat. More info to come!
We have all survived the first week. I wouldn't say we passed with flying colors - but everything is an adjustment (especially when I am involved). My new job is finally calming down and I am getting the hang of it. I think we might get it done on schedule, and that makes my mornings a lot easier because I don't wake up nervous. One odd thing that has happened is that I hate breakfast in the morning. I find myself turning to leftovers from the night before, or some other lunch/evening meal in the mornings and taking my breakfast to school for lunch. Some nights I am wide awake and have energy to spare (never happens to me, I was born tired), and then others I can barely make it in the door in the evening and spend the rest of the night half asleep before going to bed. Those are the only abnormalities I see for now, I think Apple Seed is doing well.
Finding out we were going to have a baby coincided with an increase in my workload at school. Due to that I am having trouble sorting through what is really important and what I can let go. Also a lack of sleep has entered into my life that is a mix of anxiety over my job and anticipation of our Apple Seed (current size - all last weekend they were poppy seed, so the name will change until we pick one for good, or I could just name them Apple like Gwyneth Paltrow). I lay awake at night and think about my project, when things will get done and things that my boss says that get under my skin. Wondering if there will be enough time and how much time I am going to have to put in to get things done. The second I wake up in the morning, for a bathroom break or Adam's alarm the thinking begins again accompanied by a nervous stomach. I haven't quite decided if it is a nervous stomach because of Apple Seed or work, or both, but it causes me to start thinking about work again and I have nothing to do but just get up and start my day because the longer I lay there the worse it gets. I'm sure this will go away as my project is underway and I have my first doctor's appointment on April 15th. it isn't sustainable! I don't think Adam thinks I am a nut case YET, but I do know my co-worker has to think that now due to my emails I send at 5 in the morning asking him about schedule and if he thinks I should start tomorrow instead of Saturday, and what he thinking about this or that. I have lived my life like this before, the nervousness and early mornings but they were temporary and I was able to gain control through clearing my mind, prayer, and scripture. I am trying all those things now with little success. I guess I am out of practice - it has been almost 7 years since my last bout of this.
Hasn't been a week yet since we discovered our new gift. Slowly we have been breaking the news to family and friends. I wanted to tell people right away, but on the other hand I didn't. I have heard story after story of those who were pregnant only to loose the baby. The chances are 50/50 that you will loose the baby - the same percentage as before, but we are now able to tell so early that more of us know about it when it happens. I feel good for the most part. I don't really have any sickness, but I don't feel like eating much. Strange for me to not want to eat, or to stop eating when I am full. But right now I am sitting here trying not to freak out. The dreaded spotting has now occurred. I know it is "normal" but I haven't had my first real appointment yet and I don't really know what to do with this information. So for now I am watching the situation throughout the day. If it stays the same or gets worse I will call and try to talk to someone, if it is done then it is done. The whole pregnancy thing doesn't even feel real to me yet, so I thought it wouldn't bother me that much if we lost it - but it is.
Well I thought I would give this blogging thing a try again. Very few of you will read this initially because it is about our new baby. Today I found out it is the size of a poppy seed (weeks 3-4). I couldn't believe it would be possible that we would have a baby this soon. It isn't like we were trying, but we weren't "not trying" so I guess we just match. Yesterday the home pregnancy test showed a positive after 0.5 seconds, and the blood test this morning confirmed we are going to have a little one by December (probably a Thanksgiving baby). Thanksgiving, how appropriate. It is so early it doesn't seem real. Even after telling parents, it doesn't seem real. So, here is where I will post about it. So as the baby grows, so will the blog (hopefully). A news spot for what is happening in the Beitz family. We have gone from 2 to mega in a matter of hours, and I just can't quite believe it.
