The Land of Insanity

Finding out we were going to have a baby coincided with an increase in my workload at school.  Due to that I am having trouble sorting through what is really important and what I can let go.  Also a lack of sleep has entered into my life that is a mix of anxiety over my job and anticipation of our Apple Seed (current size - all last weekend they were poppy seed, so the name will change until we pick one for good, or I could just name them Apple like Gwyneth Paltrow).  I lay awake at night and think about my project, when things will get done and things that my boss says that get under my skin.  Wondering if there will be enough time and how much time I am going to have to put in to get things done.  The second I wake up in the morning, for a bathroom break or Adam's alarm the thinking begins again accompanied by a nervous stomach.  I haven't quite decided if it is a nervous stomach because of Apple Seed or work, or both, but it causes me to start thinking about work again and I have nothing to do but just get up and start my day because the longer I lay there the worse it gets.  I'm sure this will go away as my project is underway and I have my first doctor's appointment on April 15th.  it isn't sustainable!  I don't think Adam thinks I am a nut case YET, but I do know my co-worker has to think that now due to my emails I send at 5 in the morning asking him about schedule and if he thinks I should start tomorrow instead of Saturday, and what he thinking about this or that.  I have lived my life like this before, the nervousness and early mornings but they were temporary and I was able to gain control through clearing my mind, prayer, and scripture.  I am trying all those things now with little success.  I guess I am out of practice - it has been almost 7 years since my last bout of this. 

Like you really wanted to know

Hasn't been a week yet since we discovered our new gift.  Slowly we have been breaking the news to family and friends.  I wanted to tell people right away, but on the other hand I didn't.  I have heard story after story of those who were pregnant only to loose the baby.  The chances are 50/50 that you will loose the baby - the same percentage as before, but we are now able to tell so early that more of us know about it when it happens.  I feel good for the most part.  I don't really have any sickness, but I don't feel like eating much.  Strange for me to not want to eat, or to stop eating when I am full.  But right now I am sitting here trying not to freak out.  The dreaded spotting has now occurred.  I know it is "normal" but I haven't had my first real appointment yet and I don't really know what to do with this information.  So for now I am watching the situation throughout the day.  If it stays the same or gets worse I will call and try to talk to someone, if it is done then it is done.  The whole pregnancy thing doesn't even feel real to me yet, so I thought it wouldn't bother me that much if we lost it - but it is. 

It's a BABY

Well I thought I would give this blogging thing a try again.  Very few of you will read this initially because it is about our new baby.  Today I found out it is the size of a poppy seed (weeks 3-4).  I couldn't believe it would be possible that we would have a baby this soon.  It isn't like we were trying, but we weren't "not trying" so I guess we just match.  Yesterday the home pregnancy test showed a positive after 0.5 seconds, and the blood test this morning confirmed we are going to have a little one by December (probably a Thanksgiving baby).  Thanksgiving, how appropriate.  It is so early it doesn't seem real.  Even after telling parents, it doesn't seem real.  So, here is where I will post about it.  So as the baby grows, so will the blog (hopefully).  A news spot for what is happening in the Beitz family.  We have gone from 2 to mega in a matter of hours, and I just can't quite believe it.

Do I Dare?

It might be true, but just wait.